My Butt Hurts

the prince of procrastination

It’s Sunday morning, April 17, 2011, and my first full day of becoming an official blog-man! The birds are chirping, scattered clouds surfing underneath a beautiful light blue umbrella, and my butt seriously hurts. I joined yesterday!

Not known for being the sharpest nail in the pail when it comes to technology, I’ve always had tech barriers to overcome. I’ll master these wordpress and blogging skills before my subscription to “Liposuction Now” magazine expires in 2019.

I sat on my ginormous rhomboid for hours and hours yesterday working on my new blog site. This is very exciting for me because I love to write and I love to make people laugh. I do hope you laugh along with me πŸ˜›

So this morning, both of my galactic butt cheeks are marvelously molded flat like a blob of grandma’s lard left outside on her picnic table on a hot summer day. What’s confusing to me is this: are my well hidden and ill-defined buttock muscles aching, or is it the vast amount of butt blubber that hurts me now? Either way, it’s surely a shame that our Chicago blizzard on February 1 and 2 of this year, didn’t come at this time.


My glorious flat fanny would make a wonderful toboggan. Like sliding down the snow-covered ski hill on shiny 4′ x 8′ sheet metal, I’d be the envy of all the moms and dads and kiddies too. Whoosh! Mr. Magical Ass Mass would go faster than a comet blazing through the heavens. Imagine you have a tucked into the back of your panties. Well you can slide down the hill with me also! You see, gravity is not always a bad thing πŸ˜‰

I’m just a bit slower than the average Chuck so it takes me more time than most people when it comes to technology. It doesn’t come naturally to me. I become flustered and anxiety can whisk me away into a hyper-driven frenzy of frustration. Relax Charlie. You’re not going to break wordpress so stop stressing it. End your pacing around bouncing basketballs of the walls, and quit opening up the refrigerator every 10-minutes (like my rubbery glutes need another doughnut, huh)! I will master it.

Have a nice Sunday and God Bless You πŸ™‚ Registered & Protected

NOTE: If you enjoy reading my post, please click the β€œLIKE” button below. β€œSHARE” it with your friends. Thank you for reading me. πŸ™‚


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  1. #1 by jendamn on April 18, 2011 - 11:32 am

    Thanks for the Laugh! Galactic Butt Cheeks.LMAO

    • #2 by charlie nitric on April 18, 2011 - 12:24 pm

      LOL, yah sounds funny doesn’t it! Thanks for reading and commenting. I hope u enjoy my new site and future posts I make. I just posted a new one a few minutes ago…about a mother’s bedtime story to comfort her restless young son. I hope u enjoy that post as well. πŸ™‚

  2. #3 by Jaclyn Rae on April 26, 2011 - 4:57 pm

    Welcome to the blogging world, Charlie! πŸ™‚

    • #4 by charlie nitric on April 26, 2011 - 5:04 pm

      Hi Jaclyn and thank you so much. Hey, I really like your blog and the way you have it all set up. Nicely done and what you have to say has so much merit and value. Kudos to you. πŸ™‚

  3. #5 by Hajra on June 28, 2011 - 12:58 am

    Loved it! Welcome to the blogging world with your Galactic cheeks! πŸ˜‰
    Technology still scares me; I have been blogging almost a year now and still can’t figure out so; so many things! That’s okay I guess, as long as I get loads of nice comments I am happy!

    • #6 by charlie nitric on June 28, 2011 - 1:04 am

      Hi Hajra –

      You write and express your self very well and no wonder why you receive so many nice comments on your blog posts. Yes, me and technology are not a good match so when ever I get a girlfriend, it is critical she knows some things like downloading and copying and pasting, lol. That will help me out greatly. I’m very glad you enjoy my first blog post. It’s funny to look back only 2.5 months ago and read it again. πŸ™‚

  4. #7 by Joy Page Manuel on June 28, 2011 - 5:00 am

    Another surprise, I see!….I would never have guessed that you JUST started blogging! I guess when you have it (talent, I mean, not the galactic butt cheeks), you just have it. Mission accomplished, Charlie. You definitely make us laugh every single time!! (P.S. That was a mean blizzard / snowpocalypse, as we called it in the family, wasn’t it? So did you make one of those tunnels or were you too busy shoveling / snow blowing?) πŸ™‚

    • #8 by charlie nitric on June 28, 2011 - 8:40 am

      Hello Joy –

      Welcome to my very first blog post story. I didn’t know what to write about and I was a bit nervous. I am often thinking many funny things; situations and events and stuff like that. No no, no more galactic rear end cheeks haha. I appreciate that you say nice words to me about having some talent. I’m not sure if I have what it takes or not, but I surely enjoy writing words that make people laugh, like you do. I spent my time during our Chicago blizzard helping a lot of my neighbors and other older folks clear their walks and drives. For me, it’s all play time and a little sweat and energy is all. I have fun with it. Thank you for always reading me Joy. πŸ™‚

  5. #9 by Thom Brown on June 28, 2011 - 7:52 am

    I’m glad you started blogging!

    • #10 by charlie nitric on June 28, 2011 - 8:25 am

      Hi Thom –

      I am glad I started writing and blogging as well. I’m also happy to have met a lot of great people/writers like your self. Thank you for reading me. πŸ™‚

  6. #11 by Penelope J. on June 28, 2011 - 2:15 pm

    You succeeded in making me laugh, and I love your butt descriptions. Join the non-savvy techie group. We’re all learning as we go along.

    • #12 by charlie nitric on June 28, 2011 - 3:13 pm

      Hello Penelope –

      I don’t think I am qualified enough to even join the non-savvy tech club, lol. There must a few qualifications where I fail at. I’m always happy to hear when people laugh along with my stories. Love it so thank you for that. πŸ™‚

  7. #13 by Samantha Bangayan on June 29, 2011 - 8:05 pm

    Haha!! =) My butt probably took the same shape and form that first day I started my blog too, now that I think about it. =) Very well written, friend! =)

    • #14 by charlie nitric on June 29, 2011 - 9:03 pm

      Hi Samantha –

      You better stop giggling at my big behind. That’s not nice you know, lol. No you’re thin and can see you must have high metabolism. I highly doubt you will have those flabby issues. Thank you for your kind words and for reading me. πŸ™‚

  8. #15 by relatedreality on November 26, 2011 - 5:59 pm

    I just started to read your blogs and I love them! This one in particular is hilarious. I remember feeling that way when I started mine lol. You are a very talented writer…I look forward to more reads! πŸ™‚

    • #16 by charlie nitric on December 3, 2011 - 2:11 pm

      Hi Kristin –

      I was feeling giddy that day as I remember. Thank you for the compliment and hope you have time to read more of my funny stories :).

  9. #17 by Genie on February 1, 2013 - 3:35 pm

    Good info. Lucky me I recently found your site by chance (stumbleupon).
    I’ve saved as a favorite for later!

    • #18 by charlie nitric on February 26, 2013 - 4:15 pm

      Hello Genie and nice to meet you. Thank you for stumbling upon my site. I hope you enjoy and stop back again soon. πŸ™‚

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