My Wedding Day Bliss


Today is my wedding day
I’m soon to be tied.
I wish I had met her
Last night how I cried!

A deal between fathers
A shake I can’t break.
If I could and I would
I’d bail from this state.

I’d find me a place
Where daddy can’t see
Me hittin’ up a lady
That is sexy and free.

But back to reality
Oh man it is real.
She’s comin’ down the aisle
This is a big deal.

Say she’s a freaky girl
A monster or a witch
A chick on a broom stick
Or a back-stabbin’ batch.

I pray she’s no singer
Or a street walkin’ gal.
Could I get lucky
Tanned legs from So Cal?

What does it matter
The deal has been done?
I’ll honor the agreement
And stay and not run.

Our vows have been spoken
Let’s see what I’ve got.
I flip-up her vail
There’s a nose full of snot.

I give her a hug
A growth of back hair
I thought it was locks
No a forest grows there.

Hey there’s no mustache
I’m grateful in relief!
The Rev. says to kiss her
Oh my there’s no teeth!

I look at my parents
And shout out “why me?”
They both said in anger
“Move out and be free!

You’re 60 dammit!”

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  1. #1 by Pamanner on May 3, 2011 - 8:01 pm

    LMAO!

  2. #3 by Starr on May 3, 2011 - 8:30 pm

    Very funny!!! 🙂

    • #4 by charlie nitric on May 3, 2011 - 8:30 pm

      Hey Starr – I hope you liked it. Thanks for reading and for commenting. 🙂

  3. #5 by bigsheepcommunications on May 4, 2011 - 4:53 am

    I wonder how the bride’s version of that poem would read??

    • #6 by charlie nitric on May 4, 2011 - 8:42 am

      Lisa, thanks…..maybe I’ll just do the bride’s version later today, eh’?!? 😉 Thanks for the prompt. 😛

  4. #7 by jendamn on May 4, 2011 - 1:26 pm

    LMAO!!! I want the Bride version too! With a 69 Damn it!Lol

    • #8 by charlie nitric on May 4, 2011 - 2:15 pm

      Hi Jen –

      The bride version has already been requested, lol. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, I don’t know when… but it’s coming soon to a theater near you 😉 Happy Wednesday to you. 🙂

  5. #9 by Jessica S on May 4, 2011 - 11:52 pm

    Well, you can officially say you made me snort. LOL!!! The ending is just priceless. I, too, look forward to the bride’s version. 🙂

    • #10 by charlie nitric on May 5, 2011 - 12:03 am

      LOL, no snorting on my site. Didn’t you read the sign that clearly states: grunting & giggling ONLY!?! Glad you like it.

      I’m sending you an email now. Are you having issues with WP new posting page? grrrrr I am. Sending mail shortly. Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂

  6. #11 by Mady Nabilla on May 5, 2011 - 12:04 am

    Waiting for bride version too! lolz :p

    • #12 by charlie nitric on May 5, 2011 - 12:38 pm

      Hey Mady –

      Thank you for reading and commenting. LOL…… ok ok ok the bride version will come soon 😉

  7. #13 by pissykittyslitterbox.com on May 5, 2011 - 8:38 am

    Okay, now that was funny! Sadly, it reminds me of my nephew. He’s still living with my older sister and her husband and he’s 40. Wow! I wonder if it would be totally inappropriate for me to print that and mail him a copy anonymously. Ha…ha… Think he’d get the picture?

    • #14 by charlie nitric on May 5, 2011 - 8:50 am

      Kitty –

      I think you should mail him the link and suggest that he not only read my poem, but also read “Trouser Mouse”. This story is what happens to guys that don’t date much. 😉 Happy Wednesday to you and I love your site. 🙂

  8. #15 by Pollyanna on May 6, 2011 - 12:18 am

    I Like!!! Didn’t know where you were going with it and the end took me by surprise. Very funny!

    • #16 by charlie nitric on May 6, 2011 - 3:42 am

      Hey Polly…..I had no idea where I was going either until I got there. I was so busy doing many things, in a hurry when I wrote it. Having not much time to think, this is how it came out so I let be with little editing involved. Thank you for commenting. 🙂

  9. #17 by melissa on May 6, 2011 - 5:23 pm

    that’s very funny…i had a very good laugh… but then again, who says one cannot marry at 60? you wish she were 16 ? :P…hahaha…

    • #18 by charlie nitric on May 6, 2011 - 6:16 pm

      Hi Melissa –

      I’m glad you laughed. Thank you for reading and commenting. Laughing is good, right? No way, I don’t want to go back to any past place in my life. 16 again hahaha….no thank you. 🙂

  10. #19 by TJ Lubrano on May 7, 2011 - 8:44 am

    Hahahahah! Too funny!! Okay, now I must read the bride’s version!!

    *strolls away*

    • #20 by charlie nitric on May 7, 2011 - 9:14 am

      Hello T – Glad you liked it ^5. Hurry goooo runnnn fast! Read. 🙂

  11. #21 by yingyingxue on May 22, 2011 - 4:01 am

    Happiness!

    • #22 by charlie nitric on May 22, 2011 - 8:08 am

      Hello YingYing –

      Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  12. #23 by Joy on July 26, 2011 - 10:43 am

    Harharharharharhah!! Only you B….only you can write this and get away with it!! LOL! Is this your worst nightmare? 😉

    • #24 by charlie nitric on July 26, 2011 - 1:35 pm

      Hi Joy –

      Only me :0. Did I get away with something here :P?. It sounds as if you really like my poem so I won’t bash you around here ;). Thank you for commenting. 🙂

  13. #25 by Thom Brown on July 26, 2011 - 6:12 pm

    More like a blister than bliss, I fear. What a nightmare, indeed!

    • #26 by charlie nitric on July 27, 2011 - 10:28 am

      Hi Thom –

      Well I guess there is a mate for everyone, lol. 🙂

  14. #27 by Aaron on July 27, 2011 - 8:11 am

    What a great post. I wasn’t expecting the ending at all and it brought such a smile. Enjoyed it thoroughly.
    Aaron
    http://www.aaronoutward.com/2011/07/lifes-greatest-lesson.html

    • #28 by charlie nitric on July 27, 2011 - 10:29 am

      Hey Aaron –

      I like the ending too and suspected that would catch a few people off guard, lol. Glad you smiled and enjoy my poem. 🙂

  15. #29 by Hajra on July 28, 2011 - 1:00 pm

    Lol! Smile, laugh or just gape at it all the way through! 🙂

    Loved it, really..waiting for the bride to do her honors!

    • #30 by charlie nitric on July 28, 2011 - 1:08 pm

      Hi Hajra –

      The bride did respond and that one is even better than this one. She’s quite a girl and a role model for lady’s world-wide, lol. You sexy girls all just kill me…Kill Me 😉 :).

  16. #31 by kez on July 31, 2011 - 12:59 pm

    thanks for making me chuckle !

    • #32 by charlie nitric on July 31, 2011 - 1:01 pm

      Hi Kez –

      Thank you for reading my silly poem. Did you know there is a bride’s version in response to this first poem by the groom? Wow, is she some kind of woman also ;). 😛

  1. A Bride’s Eye Wedding Day Bliss | Charlie Nitric

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