SWM 4 SWF-B/A/L++BFF pfft FWB=Muaks

free online images courtesy of office.microsoft.com/en-us/images

For 11 years I’ve been fighting my computer by myself and I can’t do this alone any longer. I need a wife ASAP! No civil relationship with me required. You can scream and curse at me whenever you like. It’s all good. I’ll never listen to you anyway.

free online images courtesy of office.microsoft.com/en-us/images

I’m not looking for a Princess. I’m looking for a Queen, a true computer operator. Prove that you’re a trained and certified PC pro and come with me and live the dream! Review the lists below for guidance.

free online images courtesy of office.microsoft.com/en-us/images

Qualifications (computer basics)…

1)      (CI) computer immunization – Oh my, help me!

2)      Down-loading software 1st try – Big turn-on here!

3)      log-in and password memorization/recall – I’m getting hot!

4)      work 2 windows/more simultaneously – OMG you savvy PC witch come marry me now!

free online images courtesy of office.microsoft.com/en-us/images

FWB Include: I don’t care if…

1)      …you don’t like me

2)      …you don’t talk 2 me

3)      …you don’t have teeth

4)      …you’re stronger than me

5)      …you pass gas in your sleep. I always do!

6)      …you can cook, clean, or wash dishes. I never do!

7)      …you eat more than me – impressive. I won’t go hungry!

8)      …you brush your dandruff off at the dinner table. I never eat there!

free online images courtesy of office.microsoft.com/en-us/images

Absolute Deal Breakers if…

1)      you can grow a better mustache than me (male ego thing)

2)      your strap has more than 3 cups (why? umm drawing a blank now)

3)      you’re a Justin Bieber fan (my computer is too old for you)

free online images courtesy of office.microsoft.com/en-us/images

I offer the most comprehensive FWB package in the industry including all my bank accounts, credit cards, and my private islands in the Caribbean. You get free medical, dental, 104k up to 50% of you’re your first $6,000 matches for your smokes.

free online images courtesy of office.microsoft.com/en-us/images

A talented pop-up blocker (PUB) always catches my eye (hint). Do you have what it takes to be Mrs. Nitric XII? If your answer is, “OMG-OMG I do,” then come join me and be my Nightingale in cyber armor and turn my computer on. Really, I can’t remember my password. Turn the dang thing on for me. What else could a girl ask for so Apply Today!

free online images courtesy of office.microsoft.com/en-us/images

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NOTE: If you enjoy reading my post, please click the “LIKE” button below. “SHARE” it with your friends. Thank you for reading me. 🙂


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  1. #1 by Jessica Mokrzycki on May 13, 2011 - 9:45 pm

    Maybe a nice software package that would meet your needs would do! That would save you money from the expense of providing room and board for a potential partner! 😉

    Great post 🙂

    • #2 by charlie nitric on May 13, 2011 - 9:54 pm

      Good evening Jessica –

      I’m just playing around on a Friday night…being a little goofy I guess. Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂

  2. #3 by charlywalker on May 13, 2011 - 9:45 pm

    This is very PC…….

    love this post!

    • #4 by charlie nitric on May 13, 2011 - 9:55 pm

      Hey Charly –

      PC….as in personal computer (I’m slow here)??? Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂

  3. #5 by Jessica Brant on May 14, 2011 - 12:35 am

    I will tell you once and I will continue to tell you any time you post a damn PC post switch to a Mac you wont need to get married to a certified PC pro Queen who farts in her sleep (yuck major turn off should have left that out WTMI).
    Than you will be a self sufficient mac operator while your at the Apple Store get an iPhone to be even more on the ball.

    • #6 by charlie nitric on May 14, 2011 - 12:56 am

      Hey Jessica –

      Well, a Mac would be nice and an iPhone as well. That still doesn’t help me much with being able to operate any technology more efficiently, does it? LOL. Oh my! Thank you for reading and for commenting. 🙂

      • #7 by Jessica Brant on May 15, 2011 - 1:07 am

        That’s the whole point to a mac not only is is sleek, sexy, a purrs like a kitten there is no need to operate it. It is simple not contrived like a PC. Have any question I’ll help you out. O the other hand if you want a wife keep asking for a PC assistant..

        • #8 by charlie nitric on May 15, 2011 - 8:06 am

          Hi Jessica –

          You give me so many things to think about on an early Sunday morning. What to do, what to do? A no non-sense purring machine or an on-hand assistant….now that’s a question I will profoundly dwell upon the entire day ;). Thank you for commenting. 🙂

    • #9 by wisdomandlife on May 16, 2011 - 8:23 pm

      Hi Jessica:
      Couldn’t agree more! Migrated to Apple in 2007 and haven’t looked back. Have NEVER had an issue since I moved. LOVE LOVE LOVE my Apple iMac. Will NEVER use a Windows Computer at home again!

  4. #10 by kendra30752 on May 14, 2011 - 1:33 am

    Wow Charlie! Your posts never fail to make me smile. I believe I may be a bordeline blog stalker! Lol. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed posts like this on any other blog. You have a great talent and especially in the humor department! It’s not easy to make me laugh over something I read. That’s why I am your blog stalker! Lol.

    Anyways, I was so glad to see your comments on mine today! I just got them today because blogger has been down for a while and I’ve not even been able to access my blog. It was a nice surprise to see your comments when I got on today!

    I loved reading what all you had to say. Very nice. 🙂 You are right, sometimes men and women can be just friends in rare instances. It seems like in my area though they’re all so desperate for the one night thingy and it seems if you’re married or in a relationship, they’re even more desperate! Lol.

    Anyways, thank you for stopping by and visiting me. 🙂 I had been sharing your posts on facebook and it caught several people’s eyes! We even had a small chat on the status where I posted it. Lol. Everyone thought it was a great blog & very funny posts! The Mondo post was a huge hit! Lol.

    Well, it was so nice to hear from ya. I will stob back by tomorrow for at my regular blog stalk time. Lol.

    Hope you have a beautiful day!

    • #11 by charlie nitric on May 14, 2011 - 8:33 am

      Hi Kendra –

      WOW thank you for your sweet words. Smiling is a good thing so keep on smiling as much as you can. Others will begin smiling with you and that’s a good thing ;).

      I had problems at your blogger site and I couldn’t post there for a couple of days. Wednesday and Thursday evenings I even wore a suit and tie since your sign on the door said strict dress code. Last night I didn’t expect to get in so I didn’t dress for the occasion. Luckily the bouncer was over catting up a table of red hot single girls so I slid in casual like and no one noticed the guy wearing only his bright yellow neon boxers. What a great site you have there hahaha!

      The relationship bond between men and women shouldn’t have to be so complicated but it is often the case. It would be nice and flattering if in the scenarios you mentioned, that when a guy hits or expresses the desire to be with you and you tell him you’re attached to another, that he understands and respects your sentiment. LOL, we (men and women) are animals by nature. Some are just more controlled and civilized than others. You have options; mace, roll of the eyes and brush off, or mid-air freeze-frame flying Ninja “yah” to the groin. SEE: The Matrix! Haha ;).

      You’re on Facebook? And you’ve been sharing me :O? All those sexy girls and you’re not even allowing me my day in court to defend myself? I want to chat also grrrrr. Bad bad Kendra!!! LOL… You can find me from Jessica’s page or here at https://www.facebook.com/brian.bohler. Thank you for being a wild crazed psycho blog stalker. I need 500 more just like you. 🙂

    • #12 by pissykittyslitterbox.com on May 14, 2011 - 7:42 pm

      Not only does he have a sense of humor, but he’s also a looker too. Have you bothered to click on his shirtless pic and get a close-up?
      What more could a woman want? Wicked sense of humor, loves his kids, knows how to talk to women, and is a hottie! You’re a keeper, Charlie!! We just love ya 😉

      • #13 by charlie nitric on May 14, 2011 - 7:52 pm

        Aweeee Kitty….I luvs you more. Gosh, a guy can get used to you posting on his blog everyday. You’re always too kind to me and I love it ;). As always, I appreciate your read of me and for commenting. 3 Cheers for WICKED!!! 🙂

  5. #14 by kendra30752 on May 14, 2011 - 1:43 am

    Charlie, I am so sorry for commenting again, but I had forgotten to add a few things about your post on my weight loss post. Lol Now you’re really thinking I’m a creepy stalker, huh? Lol

    Well, I did want to say about the Slimple, I took them for a little bit, less than a month & only for a company who really needed a review. I actually don’t ever take pills for wieght loss, but have in the past. They can be pretty dangerous. I ended up giving the rest of the slimple pills to my sister a few days ago who usually sees her dr. for prescription weight loss pills & the dr office was damaged from the tornadoes we had & she wasnt able to get her prescription. Lol. I don’t usually like the idea of diet pills, but those would be good for someone who was very over weight and needed a little help. Your are right about a little exercising doing the trick. That’s the best way to go, but it was a learning experience with those slimple pills. I didn’t take them regularly because I didn’t want to lose weight, but I wanted to be able to see if they were very effective for the review. Well, I am glad you said that you didn’t think I looked like I’d be too hefty. Lol.

    Anyways, I thought I’d tell ya that part of my slimple journey. I have heard horrible stories about people who take diet pills for a long time. Whew. I don’t think it’d be worth it to have nasty side effects! Especially with some that are on the market today like Alli (I think) I read that those caused serious digestive problems & could even cause… “anal leakage!” GULP! Lol. That alone is enough to keep me away. Lol.

    • #15 by charlie nitric on May 14, 2011 - 9:04 am

      Kendra Kendra Kendra and (roll my eyes) Kendra –

      It’s all good that you’re a creepy, deranged, delusional, delirious, and a wildly bizarre & dedicated psychopathic hormonally crazed lunatic zombie stalker at my blog site. You’re a blog guy’s dream and what else more could a guy wish for haha. Just teasing you. 🙂

      I love your funny and serious comments and very happy you come to visit me often. That’s what blogging is all about among other things, of course.

      In the 90s I had my own business marketing nutrition products around the world. I met thousands of people who had bad experiences with diet pills. Many of these users were women. The results can be nasty when using a drug to lose weight. Drooping skin, unhealthy skin and eyes, hair loss, and many intestinal negatives like the one you mention above, are not good. There can be negative emotional side effects and rapid weight gain after ceasing the pill intake as well. So not a good thing and very bad for the self-esteem too.

      Yah, although you don’t show a full size photo on your “About Me” page, I can see from the half image you’re not over weight. SO, I get concerned when a person uses diet pills when she may have no weight to lose or just a little, as in 5-10 lbs. Girl, you can do that with a simple diet change and walking to the market regularly. I know that you were using the product in order to give an accurate and honest review. I just worry about people so please help your users to understand they must use caution and monitor the side effects. Thank you again for commenting, you stalker 😉 :).

  6. #16 by melissa on May 14, 2011 - 9:17 am

    hmmm…huh? well, i definitely don’t understand computer language… :P… very funny brian…

    • #17 by charlie nitric on May 14, 2011 - 9:26 am

      Hi Melissa –

      Me, computers, and technology, don’t get along good together. I hope you like my post. Thank you for reading and commenting. 🙂

  7. #18 by Corinne Rodrigues on May 14, 2011 - 10:33 am

    I like you’re take on stuff – really funny, Charles. Would you like me to look around at the many Indian tech-savvy women here and find you one? 😉

    • #19 by charlie nitric on May 14, 2011 - 10:36 am

      Hello Corinne –

      I’m always open for interesting new insights where a girl with great legs is concerned ;). Gosh, I am a guy after all! Thank you for reading and commenting. I hope you like my story. 🙂

  8. #20 by jendamn on May 14, 2011 - 11:19 am

    MASTER OF TECHNOLOGY! *Oh Hail Charlie* Great Post -FWB includes= LMAO.
    You’ ve mastered the language of technology better than me…Teach me… Teach me…Teach me Master!

    • #21 by charlie nitric on May 14, 2011 - 12:54 pm

      Hi Jen –

      It’s a miracle I can even make a post online. Trust me on that ;). Master Master Teacher Teacher… you’re being too kind to me and I like it. Thank you for reading and commenting. 🙂

  9. #22 by Penny on May 14, 2011 - 3:24 pm

    Great post, good luck with finding your ideal software package-your qualifications are hilarious ! 🙂

    • #23 by charlie nitric on May 14, 2011 - 3:53 pm

      Hi Penny –

      Can’t you tell how bored I get on my Friday evenings, lol. Thanks for commenting and glad you like my post. 🙂

  10. #24 by Amberr on May 14, 2011 - 8:19 pm


    • #25 by charlie nitric on May 14, 2011 - 8:32 pm

      Hello Amber –

      Thank you for reading and commenting. I hope you enjoy my post and find others here on my blog you like as well. 🙂

  11. #26 by Jim Brandano on May 15, 2011 - 6:05 am

    Charlie very very funny.. great creativity .. a wonderful way for me to start the morning lol


    • #27 by charlie nitric on May 15, 2011 - 7:58 am

      Good Morning Jim –

      Reading your response is a good way for me to start my morning. Thanks a lot for the kind words and hope to see you back here again soon. 🙂

  12. #28 by Doug Stephens on May 15, 2011 - 12:35 pm

    I’m confused about the three cups. Sounds like 50 percent more fun to me 🙂

    • #29 by charlie nitric on May 15, 2011 - 12:47 pm

      Hello Doug –

      Yah, it’s difficult to find a reason lol. Thank you for reading and for commenting. 🙂

  13. #30 by Pamanner on May 15, 2011 - 7:24 pm

    Ha-ha! I don’t qualify, sorry lol! Good luck in your search 😉

    • #31 by charlie nitric on May 15, 2011 - 8:35 pm

      Hi Pam –

      Darn it! I knew that Justin Bieber thing would scare a lot of good ones away. Hmmm maybe season tickets to the Chicago Blackhawks will change your mind? Thank you for reading and commenting. 🙂

  14. #32 by Kymlee on May 17, 2011 - 12:41 pm

    LOL I’m gonna voice what someone already has… if you had a Mac, you wouldn’t have these problems. PC’s are obsolete. they epic fail, everyday… all day.
    just saying…
    😀 😉

    • #33 by charlie nitric on May 17, 2011 - 12:48 pm

      I know, I know, I know. Gosh, everyone is making me feel so self-conscious now. “Are my nose hairs sticking out again,” I wonder! Haha,,,,,thank you for reading and commenting. 🙂

  15. #34 by kriti on June 12, 2011 - 4:32 am

    Charlie – Oh God finally I have found someone who is as challenged as I am – Sad thing though – I don’t qualify in the least bit : (…. I feel handicapped when my ever generous techie friend or my hubby is not at my beck and call as far as comp probs are concerned… High five on that!!!

    • #35 by charlie nitric on June 12, 2011 - 11:13 am

      Hi Kriti –

      Oh my! If you’re as challenged as I am I will need to add you to my daily list of prayer recipients, lol. Yikes you should be happy you do not qualify and the good ones are always already taken :(. Life isn’t fair, you know what I mean! Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  16. #36 by Cinema Profound on July 24, 2011 - 10:38 pm

    You are so twisted that I like it. (Secret thoughts.)




    …M A C.

    • #37 by charlie nitric on July 24, 2011 - 10:57 pm

      Hello Sidney –

      Tell me. Secret thoughts are safe with me ;). Come on….share. I need a MAC? Why? Thank you for commenting. 🙂

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