Church Girls with Curly Curls

I grew up in a family that attended our local Catholic church regularly. Each Sunday my parents piled the kids in the car and sometimes we took two cars depending if my older sisters wanted to drive also.  Either way we’re all going to church and it was our weekly family obligation. My dad sung in the choir so usually we sat alone with my mother. Although I never minded going to service at all, I actually found it a fun place to be.

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Summers in our church were horrid, however. We had no air conditioning and there were only a few oscillating fans that sprayed a light breeze across our sweating brows. If I was able to plan things properly as we walked to our seats as a family, I tried to make it so I was the last person to sit. I’m not very keen about feeling restricted by a wall of humans so I always dawdled. I needed to wind up sitting at the end of the pew. Our church was hot and I got bored easily. The end seat helped to find more things to do.

I really did try to focus on the mass but it never took long for my mind to go astray. It happened in almost every school class room and church was not much different. I remember these day-dreaming services very well. There was a time where the entire congregation was on their feet and I fell asleep standing up. We were positioned in the front 3rd of the church. A lot of people were behind me. When I snapped out of it, I looked around at the people in front of me all sitting like good church goers should be doing. I glanced over my shoulder and every one behind me was sitting also. People were staring at me. “What are you fools looking at? Haven’t you ever seen a kid stretching his legs before?” Of course, I sat back down immediately. What to do now because the priest is eyeballing me again!

“Here comes my buddy from football. Great, because now I have something important to do! He’s coming down the aisle any second now,” I schemed. Sometimes you can make obnoxious faces to get them to burst open, laughing out loud in church. As we got older, friends become wise to that one. It’s time to improvise and be more crafty than the fox him self. I think, “If I glance at him when he’s far away from me and I look away, he won’t think anything else is up here.” Ah hah, got him going now! I turn my head away and I am smiling, pretending that I am about ready to burst out laughing. And that happened many times before. From the corner of my eye, I have him totally on radar. When he steps parallel to me my foot is right there ready to meet his. All you have to do is hide your foot on the inside corner of the base of the seating. He can’t see what your foot is really up too.

You have to catch the person in-step or they will recover so perform this maneuver perfectly. It works well, trust me. Timing and the element of surprise are the keys to any sport. You snag his foot while he’s in the process of moving forward. His momentum alone will break his stride. Catching his foot is not enough so you need to make sure your foot moves forward and up near around his ankle. This creates a lock so when he tries to drive his leg forward he’s totally snared by the trap. He’s cooked, tripped up to the maximum in front of 150 praying worshipers. Doh! I’ve seen guys fall flat on their faces. Yes, some of the people sitting behind see why he trips but the majority do not have a clue.

However, the priest always seems to know what’s up. Heck, he sits there and stares at me for 1 hour, start to finish. I don’t like that but sometimes you just glare back until he looks away. That’s when you can shift your focus upon the pretty older girl sitting in the seat in front of you. Back in the day, girls would take considerable care in curling their hair with a curling iron before they went out in public. There’s something about long, sexy, curly hair dangling behind a church pew that drives me crazy. I love it especially when I am 13-years old and she is around 17 or 18-years old. Perfect! “I wish this cute older girl would turn around and look at me.” Well if she’s going to play Miss Prudish then I’ll just have to get her attention.

No head of hair is perfect and there are always a few strays for the taking. Focus your attention on only one stray hair at a time and work from that premise. Do your due diligences and recon first. Mom is sitting very near by so when the opportunity is ripe, be quick and stealthy. Reach out in front of you quickly and grab a hold of it tightly. Never take your eye off the ball. Not for a single second or your pinching fingers will go astray. Then you just quickly pluck one of those stray hairs from her scalp. Get your hands back on a choir book that you’re just holding for show, or twist at your watch. It’s even better if you can snap your hands underneath your thighs in a heart beat.

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At first, the pretty girl in the summer dress thinks that maybe it is a pesky fly taunting her scalp. There were many flies in our church in the summer time. The doors all open so why not, eh? You wait a minute for her mind to be redirected back to the service and duplicate your effort. “Pluck another one!” Soon she learns what is going on and turns her head quickly to try to catch me. “It’s not me girly,” as I am trying my damnedest to not burst out laughing. I’m looking at the gorgeous artwork on the ceiling. My eyes are saying, “My arched church cathedral is amazing.” I can hardly hold in the intense laughter that is building within me.

This process could go on 5-6 times easily depending upon the girl sitting in front of you. Each time the girl becomes more and more agitated and her glares more intense. “Wow. She’s really getting angry about this,” I observed! That’s when you attack with alarming speed. The split second she faces forward again you pluck out another. She’s not expecting Pearl Harbor. No way. The past times I waited a minute or two. Bam, and I got her again. Gosh she is so cute when her nostrils are flaring out in anger. It’s even better when it’s that time in the mass when you get to shake hands with everyone around you. “Peace be with you,” my pretty split end baby. Maybe you can give her a shoulder shrug and eye contact that tells her, “I don’t know what’s going on here?” There is a church troll running amuck. I will help you find him.

As far as the balding older girls in the yummy summer church dresses from those days, we stood outside after mass was over. There was always great eye contact taking place. She is with her family chatting to friends and me with my kin talking with other friends. She’s quiet and I am also. The girl is giving me the nastiest of looks but I can see that she is trying hard not to smile. Her eyes tell me she wants to start laughing but that would be giving in to me. I guess she doesn’t’ want me to know I had her attention. I just smile back at her. I wouldn’t know what to say to her anyway because I’ve always been the quiet type; the Eddie Haskell “What did I do now” attitude made famous on the early 1960s sitcom “Leave it to Beaver.” All I can really do is to inform her with my eyes; “I’ll see you next Sunday in church.” Registered & Protected

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  1. #1 by askcherlock on June 8, 2011 - 2:55 pm

    Naughty, Charlie, naughty even then but so funny! 🙂

    • #2 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 2:59 pm

      Hi Cher –

      As you may have noticed a trend by now, I can become bored very easily as my mind wanders. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  2. #3 by Lynne on June 8, 2011 - 3:18 pm

    Charliie how many girls have bald patches due to you?

    • #4 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 3:26 pm

      Hello Lynne –

      Awe come on now. You know that’s not true. A couple of single hairs plucked to get her attention isn’t a worry, is it? LOL. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  3. #5 by bornstoryteller on June 8, 2011 - 3:50 pm

    Very funny. Good thing you didn’t go to a synagogue. You’d only be able to pull another boys paius. Girls sat on the other side then.

    Where did you hide the horns? 🙂

    • #6 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 4:53 pm

      Hi Stuart –

      My mind used to far astray in church that’s for sure. I really did try to focus on why I was there and sometimes I could do it for a while, but for the most part it just took off soon after walking through the doors. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  4. #7 by He Said on June 8, 2011 - 4:06 pm

    Here we go with the hair again Charlie, Your mind just wanders…Hmmm 🙂

    • #8 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 4:57 pm

      Hello He Said –

      Ummm yes sir. My mind definitely roams freely. It’s your fault that you made me remember yesterday and it’s another woman’s fault who reminded me today. Bingo, you’re both to blame and I’m in the clear – again, haha. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  5. #9 by syedalfandi on June 8, 2011 - 4:50 pm

    ha,ha,ha..that’s a phase we all pass through in life.when we were kids..disturbing the girls..or still are, just different variation of hair pulling…

    • #10 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 4:59 pm

      Hi Syed –

      Sure I like to tease around and play these days but most of it is online with my female friends. Most of that is fellow bloggers whom that I admire their work. It’s mellow teasing though and fun for them, I believe. At least it seems that way. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  6. #11 by Penny on June 8, 2011 - 6:50 pm

    Charlie one day you are going to become a famous author-you have a way with words and detail. Enjoyed reading-I bet you still give the girls a bad time !!! Very good post ! 🙂

    • #12 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 7:00 pm

      Hello Penny –

      I honestly appreciate your nice words so much. Thank you for that. No I’m not around many girls very often, at least not socially. I see some that I know around the gym here and there but I usually just smile and say hi and move on with a workout. Other than that, it’s ladies like you here online from blogging here and there. I’m glad you enjoy my post and thank you for reading me. 🙂

  7. #13 by charlywalker on June 8, 2011 - 6:53 pm

    OMG…brought back old Catholic school memories…….Thanks Charlie… I have to schedule another appointment with the Therapist…..LOL

    Love this post!!

    • #14 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 7:04 pm

      Hey Charly –

      BTW, I really loved your post…you snoop dawgetta you, hahaha. I hope you enjoy my post today and I’m sure you have a few war stories from your school girl days – uh huh! Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  8. #15 by Roy Durham on June 8, 2011 - 8:01 pm

    hey Charlie . i hate to say it but been there and done that. although i had a little incident with those stray hairs did it just like you planed but that hire was attach to a wig and it was all over me it attack and so did my mom. do you think we can get away with ten our fathers and twenty hail Marys. awe the good old days thank you and god bless

    • #16 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 8:13 pm

      Hi Roy –

      Yes, I’m sure that’s been done many times by a lot of people, lol. But I don’t believe the wig is common. That one is rare indeed. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  9. #17 by Cathy Beebe on June 8, 2011 - 9:28 pm

    Charlie, wow! I can relate to your story. Having gone to the same church with my brothers acting just like that. Great story!

    • #18 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 11:56 pm

      Hello Cathy –

      I’m always thinking of the wrong things when I’m at church. It’s so weird Cathy but my mind goes off in to funny things when I see people all around me. I hope you like my story. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  10. #19 by Sweepy Jean on June 8, 2011 - 9:42 pm

    Ahh, the hair pulling … it starts young… 😉

    • #20 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 10:38 pm

      Hi Sweepy –

      I don’t really call pulling one single hair…..really hair pulling. I mean, that sounds like pulling globs of hair and that’s just wrong. Just trying to get an older girls attention and bugging her a little bit. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  11. #21 by Dangerous Linda on June 9, 2011 - 12:19 am

    you crack me up — what a naughty boy!

    • #22 by charlie nitric on June 9, 2011 - 8:08 am

      Hello Linda –

      I’m glad you have a good laugh while you read my story. That’s a good thing, right! Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  12. #23 by Mari Sterling Wilbur on June 9, 2011 - 2:07 am

    You will be published – your posts are hilarious! So many of us identify with them on so many levels. You always remind me of my sons and that’s a good thing.

    • #24 by charlie nitric on June 9, 2011 - 8:16 am

      Hello Mari –

      I appreciate your vote of confidence in me and love to hear your words. I also think it is important to identify with people so I try to keep things simple in my writing. Words and stories are best understand when we don’t complicate them. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  13. #25 by Jessica on June 9, 2011 - 4:48 am

    Shame on you! Maybe your mind was going astray, but maybe they were trying to get something out of those masses, and you kept them distracted. Hopefully, they could feel the pull of their Father more than the pull of your mischievously bored fingers.

    There! I hope you feel guilty, you shameful rascal. 😛 Idle hands should clamp themselves onto a Bible.

    I believe that Christ’s followers make up his church, so regardless of the mischief you caused, those girls have no excuse not to have faith. (So, you don’t have to wallow in guilt forever.) However, I hope you don’t still pick on people sitting in front of you or try to trip people as they pass by your pew.

    Sheesh! LOL

    • #26 by charlie nitric on June 9, 2011 - 8:26 am

      Hey Jessica –

      Gosh all I hear in your comments is compassion and pity for the female church goers. What about me here? Where’s my shout-out haha! BTW, I wasn’t feeling much guilt until reading your comments and now I think I need to do some reflecting upon this matter ;). In all reality, even though my mind roamed when I was in church as a kid, there was always a take-away from each service. Whether I realized it at the time or in days later in life, positive things from the good word spoken at mass stay with me forever. My God works with me in mysterious ways, indeed! True that statement. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  14. #27 by sulekha on June 9, 2011 - 10:29 am

    Poor girls and their curls…hope they learnt their lesson and changed seats when they saw you sitting behind them. Laughing while commenting 🙂

    • #28 by charlie nitric on June 9, 2011 - 12:08 pm

      Hey Sulekha –

      Poor girls and their curls??? Haha. I was a stalker in church and made sure I sat behind every pretty girl I could, lol. Just kidding there for the most part ;). Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  15. #29 by Justice Calo Reign on June 9, 2011 - 11:06 am

    Oh the things little boys think of in church.

    • #30 by charlie nitric on June 9, 2011 - 12:10 pm

      Hello Justice –

      You have no idea man, lol. My mind went everywhere when I was in church and still has trouble focusing in church today. Although I am able to concentrate more as an adult, my mind still roams but I try harder to remain focused. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  16. #31 by Pamanner on June 9, 2011 - 12:25 pm

    Well, I can relate to attending Mass weekly with my family but thank God we had A/C! Mom got the end seat, lucky duck. As a tween, cute boys were the primary focus and helped the hour to not seem so LONG! Ha-ha! Good thing you were never sitting behind me! 😉

    • #32 by charlie nitric on June 9, 2011 - 12:53 pm

      Hi Pam –

      Yes I spent a lot of time looking at all the girls in church. I tried to focus on the service but that only lasted a minute or two and my mind became continuously distracted. It probably is a very good thing you were never sitting in front of me. I’m not sure what a bald Pamela would look like haha ;). Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  17. #33 by InJensMind on June 9, 2011 - 1:43 pm

    Looks like you learned a lot going to a Catholic church….The more stories you post about your childhood the more I see how much of a handful you must have been for your poor mother. LOL

    • #34 by charlie nitric on June 9, 2011 - 2:18 pm

      Hi Jenni –

      I haven’t touched on anything yet. Only little things here and there are popping out for now. I was very lucky to have such a great mother. She loved me too much for certain. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  18. #35 by Larry Lewis on June 9, 2011 - 1:57 pm

    Once a bad boy always a bad boy. Now don’t you deny it.

    • #36 by charlie nitric on June 9, 2011 - 2:20 pm

      Hello Larry –

      No Sir. I don’t deny most of that lol. I’m off the see the wizard next. I’m off to see Larry Lewis. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  19. #37 by melissa on June 9, 2011 - 6:02 pm

    That was soo mean Brian :P…hahaha… but we’ll surely get along… oh and much much more with my niece belle… you practically do the same things at Mass services… Geez… I could just imagine how you were as a kid…

    • #38 by charlie nitric on June 9, 2011 - 6:22 pm

      Hello Melissa –

      Boys will be boys. You know that some girls could be pretty sneaky also??? I have trouble sitting still when I was younger. Now I move like an elephant just wanting to rest in peaceeeee. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  20. #39 by rimly on June 10, 2011 - 2:44 am

    You were one little terror Charlie Nitric! I hope you dont go around making girls bald now or tripping someone for that matter!!! Interesting post as always.

    • #40 by charlie nitric on June 10, 2011 - 5:38 am

      Hi Rimly –

      I can’t see where tripping a buddy is a terror. Also, don’t we all lose a few hairs everyday and we never realize it when it is happening, lol? Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  21. #41 by Tameka Mullins on June 10, 2011 - 7:27 am

    Just plain devilish! Well, you were in the right place to get straightened out at least. I will make sure to pull my curls up in a bun or pony tail if we ever meet. Bad boy! 🙂

    • #42 by charlie nitric on June 10, 2011 - 7:44 am

      Hey Tamz –

      I shouldn’t be held responsible just because church girls look so hot. Now that should be a crime, no?! Buns and pony tails just make it a better challenge for a young bad boy. Gosh do I have to teach you everything haha? Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  22. #43 by on June 10, 2011 - 10:14 pm

    See, I knew there was a reason I liked you so much, Charlie. I’m a hair-puller too!

    • #44 by charlie nitric on June 11, 2011 - 2:08 am

      Hello Kitty –

      Awe I know you’re not a hair puller Kitty. You’ve been married way too long to be a wild cat anymore, lol. And I think you just come here to flirt with me, huh haha. Thank you as usual for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  23. #45 by Corinne on June 11, 2011 - 8:42 am

    Oh Charlie – you got me thinking of all the fun we used to have in church – my brother would say something under his breath about somebody coming back from Communion and I’d start giggling and shake up the bench, much to my parent’s embarrassment. There was this lady who would come back from Communion chomping on the host – and my Dad once said that she was a true believer of ‘Taste and See that the Lord is good!’ So you can imagine each time we saw her doing her thing……….Then there was the time my brothers stuck postage stamps on the hat of the man in the bench in front. Or the other time they tied a girls sash to the arm of the bench! Funnily enough it’s all these memories that made Church special. Because, between you and me, who remembers what the priests said!

    • #46 by charlie nitric on June 11, 2011 - 10:46 am

      Hello Corinne –

      My little sister and I used to goof around in church, whispering as well. My older sister Bonnie was funny in church also. She and I would always trade smiles and eye contact when we heard or saw something funny happening around us. One of the things we all used to look at each other and smile about was when my dad was singing in the choir above and behind us in the upper level choir loft. Sometimes we could hear him sneeze or cough. We could clearly identify his way over the others. The postage stamps on the hat is too funny. I am remembering many church experiences where the kids are playing and not behaving. I was not unique here at all. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  24. #47 by Bella on June 16, 2011 - 6:25 pm

    Charlie, I wonder what it is about church that makes children act inappropriately! 🙂 The poor little girl with the curly hair! I would not want you sitting behind me, tugging at my hair when I’m trying to stay focused in what the priest is saying! Also, because I know I wouldn’t be able to control myself and would probably turn around and yell, “Stop it!” I’m afraid there’d be no smiles from me. I was a mean girl when I younger. hee hee!

    • #48 by charlie nitric on June 16, 2011 - 9:03 pm

      Hello Bella –

      Come on now Bella. You probably goofed around a little bit in church when you were a young girl..with a sister maybe? It wasn’t really tugging at a girl’s hair, it was more like just plucking one hair out at a time to see how she reacted and to get her to turn around hehehe. No ma’am, I certainly would not ever want to get on the wrong side of Mrs. Bella. We’ve seen the reports about you here on our news stations. Chicago guys know better than to mess with you, lol. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  25. #49 by Sasha on September 9, 2011 - 10:59 pm

    Haha this is hilarious! I shouldn’t find it so funny really, I should be thinking damn you were a little monster! I myself have rather long curly hair that I wouldn’t want a 13 year old plucking out lol!

    It’s funny some of the things you can get up to as kids at church, when I was a teenager me and my friends would go up on the church roof and explode coke bottles with Mentos, oh the naughty things we did! 😛

    • #50 by charlie nitric on September 25, 2011 - 10:43 pm

      Hi Sasha –

      I’m really glad you enjoy my story. I was always getting into things when I was a kid. It’s like I was never doing what I was supposed to be doing and the same always happened in school as well. It’s nice that we can write about them and sit back and have a laugh lol. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

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