My first full day of being an official blog guy.

fb farmville

6:25 am – I posted yesterday. Let’s see what the world has to say to me (so excited). Today’s Goal: I will write another historic blog and post it. I love goal-setting.

6:33 am – Huh? No comments? Stupid blog world! Everybody hates me.

6:39 am – I’ll be back. I have to go poops.

8:10 am – Sorry diary. I had to go to the bathroom. Sheesh…1.5 hours? Did I fall asleep?

8:14 am – Still no posts on my new blog. I’ll check out Facebook. Maybe somebody commented on my page.

not my cow

WTH are all these farm animals doing here? I want to eat that lost lonely cow.

8:22 am – Did I remember to wipe?

8:25 am – I better open a blank MS Word document and start my new blog. What should I write about hmmmm? I know: “April 18, 2011” is a great start. There! Now what?

9:19 am – I wonder if anybody messaged me in Facebook? Oh this is seriously bothering me. Someone found a chicken on their farm. You are a lucky girl. Excuse me but this is not “Farm Central” social media website. NO ANIMALS ALLOWED!!!

dont leave ur animals on my page

9:27 am – Did I remember to flush?

9:45 am – OMG there are so many pretty girls here. Check out that one from Colombia. Wow! Oh no, she has a boyfriend. She’s not my type anyways.

10:00 am – No ideas for my blog yet. I’ll surf Facebook.

10:35 am – I just made breakfast (left over fried chicken). Mmm so finger-licking good.

10:52 am – Did I wash my hands after I went to the bathroom?

10:56 am – Did I take my OCD medicine today?

11:00 am – Now I can write on a full tummy. I don’t know why Facebook people hate me. I think the cute Latina’s boyfriend from Colombia’s looks gay.

1:10pm – This Facebook girl from Romania is so hot. I’m loving those legs (yeah baby)!

1:13 pm – OMG the girl is a guy! Why do people mess with me? Facebook is a scam.

2:45 pm – Back on track now. Ok, “Dear Diary” – What next? Farmers don’t love their animals. I wish a wild horse would go crazy on Facebook and trample a few farmers.

run girl, run

4:00 pm – Oh darn, I need to change clothes and get to the gym. Yikes look at that. I knew I forgot to flush.

5:30 pm – Had my shorts on backwards at the gym. I should have figured it out when I tried to put my phone in my pocket. My pocket was gone. How did I do that?

5:51 pm – Yes! I got a message in Facebook.

5:53 pm – Who the heck is Chewap Chewapo and why does he want me to go to war against the Mafia?

6:20 pm – I think Facebook users should take better care of their animals, especially if they own a farm. I mean, helloooo? It’s their business, duh!

7:01 pm – I should write about those poor farm animals in my new blog. I bet a lot of people will be interested in hearing about all the animal abuse that goes on here.

7:25 pm – I don’t even like Facebook animals. They certainly don’t look real to me.

8:30 pm – Is Latin America in Colombia or Brazil? Maybe they mean the south side of Chicago. Let’s Google that.

8:37 pm – Nobody talks to me on Facebook. Is my profile working right?

8:55 pm – I always mess up Google searches. I can’t read a word of Spanish but I do understand Victoria Secret page. I don’t know how I got here but that tiny outfit wouldn’t fit on my sister’s Barbie Doll.

9:59 pm – I bet Latin fathers are angry at Gloria. I hope she doesn’t live by George Lopez in LA.

fb mafia dude

10:15 pm – Hey, I could write a blog about Chewap Chewapo and his war against the mafia, the bad guys who operate Facebook farms for Gloria Secret. Note to myself: use George Lopez instead.

10:24 pm – I’ll write my new blog tomorrow but I have so many great ideas after all my research today. I can’t stop wondering what secret Gloria is hiding? She’s up to something. I just know it.

10:27 pm – What were those 2 women at the gym laughing about? Hah…Crazy females!

10:30 pm – Writing a blog today goal failed. Time for bed. Good night diary.

Midnight – Did I take my OCD medicine today? Registered & Protected

  1. #1 by beckyspringer on April 25, 2011 - 11:14 am

    Baahahaha, I love this!

    • #2 by charlie nitric on April 25, 2011 - 11:41 am

      Good morning Becky. Thankssss as I had a blast writing it. Have you ever been sitting there all alone, writing,,,and laughing at yourself? LOL, it happens to me often. I’m the guy who had walked into closed clear glass doors on a number of occasions (BAM!). Many more funny and real situations will be appear on my blog, coming soon to a theater near you. Thank you visiting and commenting. Have a good Monday. 🙂

  2. #3 by tikiilio on April 26, 2011 - 5:10 pm

    thoroughly enjoyed. Thanks.. I have to go take care of my animals now… *shucks* 😀

    • #4 by charlie nitric on April 26, 2011 - 5:15 pm

      Hey Tiki –

      Thanks for your positive feedback and for visiting my blog. Glad you liked it. Remember: Be kind to cartoon critters. They bite! 🙂

  3. #5 by InJensMind on June 7, 2011 - 3:45 pm

    That was interesting. I am curious as to how you wen from Victoria to Gloria though. lol Maybe I should comment this blog guy post like I am new to your blog or maybe not…. The day in the life of blogger, who would have thought it would be mostly about Facebook. lol

    • #6 by charlie nitric on June 7, 2011 - 3:50 pm

      Hi Jenni –

      It’s just another silly blog post, lol. Before I starting my blog, I maybe came to FaceBook once a week. I really didn’t come here very much because nobody ever talks much. At least not to me, they didn’t. Hahaha. It’s what it is, right ;). Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  4. #7 by sancheeta biswas on June 7, 2011 - 4:56 pm

    u have a special way of making us laugh loudly, can’t stop yet. facebook is special in all ways, never minds any tease. facebook animals are on lease. you carry on charlie, we want more to read.

    • #8 by charlie nitric on June 7, 2011 - 5:08 pm

      Hello Sancheeta –

      I’ve been feeling down lately so hopefully I’ll break out of it quickly and write a lot more posts soon. I am glad you laughed and enjoy my posts. As always Sancheeta, thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  5. #9 by sulekha on June 7, 2011 - 8:12 pm

    How come I haven’t visited your blog until now? Made me smile early in the morning and set the tone for the day,thanks. Am an avid follower now…

    • #10 by charlie nitric on June 7, 2011 - 8:28 pm

      Hello Sulekha –

      I’m not sure why you haven’t been here before. If you like to smile to start your day you can always start your day here with me ;). There are many past reads to make you giggle here. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  6. #11 by Alpana Jaiswal on June 7, 2011 - 10:14 pm

    I love this Charlie…and I love your spirit…And I wish I could do something more..I hope u are getting my point…Just remember,I am here..always..for you…
    For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin-real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

    • #12 by charlie nitric on June 7, 2011 - 11:15 pm

      Hi Alpana –

      If you only knew the tremendous obstacles you would be surprised. People can be their own best friend and their own worst enemies. This is definitely a true statement. We do create many of the obstacles in our own lives. Sometimes if there isn’t one we feel out of sync and subconsciously look for them because I often wonder we miss them in some odd way. It’s always a good thing when we can identify our obstacles and correct the course as early as possible. Wisdom and age helps us out with that. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  7. #13 by Jessica Mokrzycki on June 7, 2011 - 10:34 pm

    LOLOL This was great! I love stopping here…this is one blog I try to never miss!

    • #14 by charlie nitric on June 7, 2011 - 11:08 pm

      Hello Jessica –

      I always love having you stop by here for a visit, Jessica. You know you’re always welcome here on my goofy site ;). Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  8. #15 by rimly on June 8, 2011 - 12:36 am

    You are hilarious Charlie! Having pills for OCD and yet wondering if you have wiped, or washed your hands and finally forgetting to flush. I had a good laugh early in the morning. Thank you dear friend.

    • #16 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 7:29 am

      HiYa Rimly –

      Hahaha. No ma’am. I really do not take any medications for OCD or any other disease or ailment. It’s just a joke blog. Playing ;)! I’m happy you laughed early in the morning. That’s a good thing ^5. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  9. #17 by tbaoo on June 8, 2011 - 3:29 am

    it seems that even though my life is not finished with yet, i’ve been reincarnated already .. great stuff – always wipe your bum and wash your hands, please !!

    • #18 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 7:26 am

      Hi Tbaoo –

      I’m taking your advice and making a big sign to hang on the wall adjacent to the toilet seat as a reminder, lol. You have lots left to do in your life and hopefully you reincarnate your self each and every day in a bigger and better way. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  10. #19 by kriti on June 8, 2011 - 4:41 am

    I can’t stop smiling and have showed this post to my entire family : ). This was so very very cute – just one correction – I would think FB people love you. What a fantastic time I had reading this : )))

    • #20 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 7:24 am

      Hello Kriti –

      You’re whole family is reading me now? Gosh, I hope they’re not those mafia people on FaceBook. I’m looking out my window now just to make sure nobody is watching my house haha. I’m really happy you had a nice time smiling and reading my post. It makes me feel good to know that you enjoy reading me. Thank you for commenting Kriti. 🙂

  11. #21 by askcherlock on June 8, 2011 - 9:25 am

    Facebook people love you. Free Spirits love you. And I love the look of your blog! I had to stop reading for a couple of minutes when I got to the part about you putting your gym shorts on backwards! I just couldn’t stop laughing. 🙂
    Great post, Charlie!

    • #22 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 11:51 am

      Hello Cher –

      Yess the little draw string was in the back – go figure how (I donno)! You have only just begun to hear me, lol. A couple of weeks ago the guy at the desk tells me at the end of my workout, “Is your sweatshirt on backwards?” Whoops, I guess so haha. When I was in HS and finished a make out session with my girlfriend….ohhhh well maybe another post someday. My parents and their friends playing cards at the kitchen table when me and my girl walked in. Mrs. McDermott kept looking at me oddly because my BLUE JEAN shirt was on inside out. How the heck can that happen??? Oh My!!! Thank you for reading me and commenting. 🙂

  12. #23 by Jim on June 8, 2011 - 12:43 pm

    Really really Funny Enjoyed reading it

    • #24 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 12:45 pm

      Hello Jim –

      Thank you and glad that you enjoy my story. It was fun to write as well. Thank you for reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  13. #25 by melissa on June 8, 2011 - 6:06 pm

    It was like being with you the whole time Brian. It’s so funny but it’s also true for me, I waited every minute to see who read my blog.But it got better everyday as long as people get to read it… as long as my intimate friends get to read it…as long as one gets to read it… and my list get shorter :P.

    But one thing is I do enjoy ALL your posts. It’s very rare that people could be so consistently exciting or funny. I read in your reply to Sancheeta that you feel a bit down. It doesn’t affect your work at all. You are amazing.

    • #26 by charlie nitric on June 8, 2011 - 7:07 pm

      Hi Melissa –

      Some of my funny diary story is very true and other parts are just goofing, of course. I’m always glad when you read me and enjoy my posts. Gosh, that’s what it is all about. Thank you for your kind words and for reading me. 🙂

  14. #27 by Darlene on July 8, 2011 - 10:49 pm

    That was great. Funny! 🙂 Thanks for this post…


    • #28 by charlie nitric on July 9, 2011 - 6:57 pm

      Hello Darlene –

      I’m so glad you laughed and enjoy my story. I have a few more here I’m sure you will like as well ;). Thank you for reading and commenting. 🙂

  15. #29 by erinpatrick on July 23, 2011 - 8:35 am

    See, you get lots of comments. Okay, I needed a laugh this morning…done! Now if you’d just add us all on fb you’d have someone to talk to there. Anything besides that damn Farmville…did I say damn?!

    • #30 by charlie nitric on July 23, 2011 - 8:43 am

      Hi Erin –

      I would love to add all of you to my facebook but how can I if I don’t know your adds? I’m happy you received the laugh that you needed. Gosh, all you have to do is visit me more often and I can always help you out with a few giggles ;). Ohhhh swearing on my page. Bad girl, badddd lol. Thank you for commenting. 🙂

  16. #31 by Heather on July 24, 2011 - 9:31 pm

    A good laugh is just what I needed after a long day. I also feel such pity for you and your FB experience that I’ll gladly add you as a friend and promise never to talk about farm animals or starting a Mafia war. 😉

    • #32 by charlie nitric on July 24, 2011 - 9:38 pm

      Hi Heather –

      A good laugh is always welcome here by me as well. Much better than focusing on all the serious issues that most of us try to control but we really have very little control over. I’d love for you to add me on facebook. I’m sure you can find me ;). Thank you for reading me and for commenting. I like that a lot. 🙂

  17. #33 by tattoodevil13 on July 28, 2011 - 2:55 am

    Oh Charlie, so glad I found you your blogs are comedy gold. I love this post your diary entries sound like the manic goings on in my own head! Very funny, has started me off to a good day. Think I might make you my morning ritual 😉
    Loved it, thanks for sharing x

    • #34 by charlie nitric on July 28, 2011 - 1:16 pm

      Hi Quinn –

      WOW I sure do love hearing you say my stories are comedy gold. That’s cool of you to say so thank you for that. I’m really happy you enjoy reading my goofy ways. 🙂

  18. #35 by lori brighton on August 6, 2011 - 10:32 pm

    Too funny. My husband is going through this right now. He started a blog a few days ago and is alreay frustrated because he has no followers. Of course I have no sympathy for him as I’ve been trudging away in blog world for about 3 years now!

    • #36 by charlie nitric on August 6, 2011 - 10:51 pm

      Hello Lori –

      LOL so glad you enjoy my story. My story is more of a funny read and of course, mostly fiction although a few parts are factual. Are you and your husband following me on Twitter and FaceBook? I can help you build some momentum if you want that. Message me on Twitter when you get some free time. I’ll handle the rest and get both of you up running more quickly. Thank you for reading me and for commenting :).

  19. #37 by Trish Nicholson on August 15, 2011 - 9:01 pm

    Well, I scrolled all the way down here Charlie and realise there’s still nobody talking to you 🙂 Now that’s a real shame because your post was a whole lot funnier than those comic blogs, and a lot more relevant than the instructional ones, as for those promotional ones, I don’t read them anymore. So I thought I should at least say, Hi. Hi! Charlie, thanks 🙂

    • #38 by charlie nitric on August 15, 2011 - 9:37 pm

      Hi Trish –

      I’m 97% lost on all that you just said above, lol. I appreciate you reading me and for commenting. 🙂

  20. #39 by Deborah the Closet Monster on August 15, 2011 - 10:13 pm

    HA! It is so good to see some of these thoughts written by someone who isn’t me. (Obviously I’m talking about the Colombian girl’s boyfriend here!)

    • #40 by charlie nitric on August 19, 2011 - 11:28 am

      Hi Deborah –

      You have no idea what’s lying around upstairs in my mind just itching to unfold upon paper, lol. I hope you will relate to many of those distractions as well. 🙂

  21. #41 by Trish Nicholson on August 16, 2011 - 3:04 am

    Hello again Charlie, I was being ironic, you obviously have masses of fans talking to you and rightly so. You are a very funny man.

    • #42 by charlie nitric on August 19, 2011 - 11:34 am

      Hi Trish –

      Ahhh okay, lol. I wouldn’t call them fans but I do love the sound of that. I do enjoy helping people to laugh. That’s a good way to spend some free time. 🙂

  22. #43 by Erin Patrick (@ErinPatrick) on August 19, 2011 - 12:34 pm

    Ahhh, but we are fans, Big B!!! ;0)

    • #44 by charlie nitric on August 23, 2011 - 2:16 pm

      Hello Erin –

      I want you to be a fan and have some fun, giggle a little bit also. Thank you so much for coming by to read my story. 🙂

  23. #45 by Mary Hudak-Colllins on August 29, 2011 - 5:41 am

    Oh Charlie Boy…lmao! I can so relate to this post! I have lost track of your blog and wish you had a badge that I could add to my site for easy access 😛 Found you through a paperli. link…imagine that!

    • #46 by charlie nitric on August 30, 2011 - 11:59 am

      Hi Mary –

      Nice to see you here. I would have a badge if I knew how to do it but I don’t, lol. I’m not sure how people find me other than saving my link to their favorites or bookmarks as I do. I’m certainly not very good with technology. Thank you for enjoying my story and laughing with me here. 🙂

  24. #47 by Red Fox Fitness on October 19, 2011 - 12:37 pm

    I laughed out right!! Thank you! Brian You are funny and real! Thanks for sharing and introducing yourself on Twitter!


    • #48 by charlie nitric on November 3, 2011 - 2:27 pm

      Hey Pamela –

      Wait wait…I am pinching myself to test if I am a real person or not hahaha. “Ouch!” Okay it is confirmed. That hurts so I am real lol. I hope you stop by again soon to read more. 🙂

  25. #49 by Trey Copeland on February 7, 2012 - 7:28 am

    Funny stuff, several LOL moments:-)

    • #50 by charlie nitric on February 11, 2012 - 11:03 pm

      Hello Trey –

      Glad you stopped by to laugh a while, lol. That’s cool by me. Thank you for that!

  26. #51 by Cher Duncombe on February 12, 2012 - 1:47 pm

    Love this, Charlie! I would say more but I need to check out Facebook! 🙂

    • #52 by charlie nitric on February 12, 2012 - 11:48 pm

      Hi Cher –

      Happy to see you stop by for a hit & run, lol. You know you’re always welcome here. 🙂

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